Weight & Me

Sigh. It's sad that some people, even my family members, prefer to comment on the surface rather than the substance when they see me. It annoys & frustrates me that I take the trouble to go out with people (yes honestly, I prefer to be at home than to dress up & go out) only to be told that I'm fat. So here's an emo account of Rowie & how she HATES being told she's fat.

Yes I am overweight, yes I am not as slim or pretty as the other skinny Chinese chicks out there but I feel my accomplishments so far should make up for these deficits, if they are indeed deficits. It angers me because when people say I'm fat, I immediately think that I've to starve, I'm worthless & crappy thoughts like that. It is a personal issue because when I was younger *sigh* I had spent 1 yr starving to get that perfect figure; it took a toll on my health, mentally & physically, luckily I stopped before things got out of hand.

The idea of losing weight is a bitter sweet notion for me: I want to lose weight because it'll get these idiots off my back, & of course, health reasons (although I feel I eat healthily enough, but yes, I do need to exercise); I don't want to lose weight because it feels like I'm not doing it for ME but for other people's viewing pleasure. So the topic of weight always brings frustration, anger, sadness; sticky business, folks.

I feel that if I were to lose weight, I'd do it at my own pace. There's no rush for me to lose weight quickly; I'm in no hurry to catch a man, or to join a beauty pageant/modeling contest; I've bigger issues to worry about: my studies (which is a lot of stuff), debating, orchestra, etc. In the bigger scheme of life, weight is really a tiny speck in the huge river of it.

Chubby Rowie has a nicer smile

So if I keep complaining that I ought to lose weight, bear with me. I know that I have to but buddies, remind me that it's not something I've to die for. Remind me that I know what to do with myself & trust that I will do it. Remind me that being beautiful is not just on the outside but also on the inside. To you suckers who want to prance around & have a thin, pretty, petite niece/daughter/friend to show off, well take a finger from me. Heaven knows you need to get one up your fine bums. Thanks to my friends & family members who remind me that I'm more than just a chubby Chinese girl.

PS. Sorry for the emotional post but I figure I've a right to speak my mind :)